My real name

i wish more people realized how much attitude shapes our destiny.  

i choose to project positive energy into the world and have been able to create a happy, fulfilling life.  no, it’s not free of disappointment, but no life is.  we have to learn how to role with the punches and make the best of whatever situation we are dealt with.  i can overcome so much more if i look for the lesson and choose not to dwell on the negativity.  

this has been on my mind so much lately, as i am watching someone close to me battle their own demons.  i am doing my best to inject positive energy in their life, but i can only do so much.  i wish this person realized their potential.

today, i got up and was at the gym at 6 am because i knew i couldn’t get my workout in tonight.  this is a ridiculously huge accomplishment for me and further proof to me that i am changing.  

feeling great :)

my journey is for me.  

i am getting healthy for me.

after i go to yoga, i feel amazing.  after i do a combat class, i feel like a bad ass.

i am training for a half-marathon.  

these are things that i never thought i’d be capable of doing and i can’t even articulate what it means to be doing them now.  i have a long, long way to go.  for the first time ever, i feel like it’s doable.  i am in control of my environment.  i am making healthier choices.  i actually look forward to going to the gym and working up a sweat.  i don’t feel right if i don’t get a workout in or slack off on my fruits and veggies.  i am going to accomplish my goals and i feel incredibly powerful right now.  

yesterday i saw 127 hours, needing to get out of the house with a bad case of cabin fever from this snow and ice.  i remember aron ralston’s story and had read the book he wrote about the incident many years ago.  all these years later, i’m still as touched and inspired by his story. 

yeah, he did a lot of dumb things.  going out into the wilderness without telling anyone where he was going, etc., but i love the story of his metamorphosis from an arrogant, almost distant, young man who felt he was invincible, to someone who grew to appreciate family and the importance of maintaining relationships.  i love that despite this terrible thing that happened to him, he still goes out and does what he loves.  his courageousness is awe inspiring.  i love the symbolism of freeing himself and being born into a new life.

it makes me think twice about what i think i cannot do.  

(the movie was better than i expected it to be.  i must admit i was a little traumatized by the full screen shots of james franco’s eyeballs, teeth, mouth, and tongue, let alone the amputation scene.)

i don’t remember a lot of dates from the past, but i will never forget april 14, 2009.  sitting at work, receiving that call that it was cancer, and just getting up and leaving.  i had never just walked out of a job, but i couldn’t even find the words to articulate that i had to leave now because my mom had cancer.  and not just a little cancer, but cancer everywhere.  

her liver, uterus, ovaries, the base of her lungs, and likely more, but they had only done a ct of her abdomen.  i felt liked i had been socked in the gut.  she had been healthy.  we were on a cruise 3 weeks ago to celebrate my upcoming graduation.  we snorkled, hiked, dance, and laughed a lot.  i knew at that time my world had been changed forever and knew it would be much faster than it ever should have been.  i had just turned 29 and knew that i would likely lose my mom by the time i was 30.  

it happened so fast.  i knew my mom was scared and my dad was devastated.  everything happened so fast.  april 14th was a tuesday.  wednesday she was admitted for pain control.  friday, a complete hysterectomy.  she never really recovered.  the cancer was just too advanced.  it was everywhere.  it spread so fast.  i had never seen or heard of anything like it.  

35 days we endured.  35 days she fought.  35 days our lives were on pause.

gym four days last week. food diary kept everyday. didn’t get out of control this weekend with food, and i wrote down the junk i ate. down five pounds. a raving success, i’d say.  i love how quickly weight comes off at first.  i must remember to not get frustrated down the road.  

i got the room painted on sunday and went to the gym tonight.  i’m super proud of my activity level.  i have been anything but slothful.

this year, i will…

1.  keep a food journal daily

2.  go to gym 3 times per week at a minimum

3.  purchase hooks/shelves for my entryway and no longer pile up crap on my table

4.  complete half marathon 

5.  part with things i am no longer using.  simplify my life.

6.  tell others how much they mean to me.  never take anyone for granted.

7.  put myself out there more in my career.  got to at least 3 professional events and meet at least 1 new person each time.